Banyak waktu yang terbuang sia-sia. Pada titik nyaman ini, seorang pemuda menundukkan kepala seperti isyarat menyerah., menyerah kepada hidup yang terus menerus bercampur tanda tanya. Pemuda ini selalu berharap pengertian dan pengertian. semua hal yang dilakukannya selama 22 tahun hidup tidak pernah berbuah bangga untuk kedua orang tuanya. meskipun, dari dalam lubuk hatinya yang terdalam, ia sangat dan ingin sekali melihat kedua orang tuanya tersenyum bangga melihat apa yang dilakukannya. 

I promise

Thanks guys, the people close to me or even that is not too close to me. Thank you has been given the honor to be a part of you. I was not a good person, I may also have a hassle you at the moment I am close to you. I'm sorry if this is so that you experience. I cannot repay all the kindness you've given. For me hang out with you is a gift given by god because I can have great friends like you. Your mind and body strong, not like me who could be considered too weak for boys my age. I hung out while trying to look strong in front of you, I always cheerful, even I used to say, '' gripe is the least work ", but without my knowing it, every time I do something I hope no attention or praise from you, and indirectly me complaining, I've done something so despicable. Sorry for my ignorance.
I promise, it will not complain.

LIHAT SAJA NANTI

Terimakasih, aku akan menjaga semua ini

menjaga sisa-sisa waktu
menjaga keinginan kita

menjaga semua kenang
aaaaaaaaah 

sebenarnya aku telah lelah
menjaga semua ini
aku hanya berusaha menjaga semampuku

kau tahu

seberapa buruk keadaanku sekarang
semoga Tuhan membalas!

ketahuilah

kau semakin membuat jarak 

dengan beranggapan semua ini

seolah tak terjadi apa-apa

Tapi ketahuilah, itu terjadi

bukan karena jarak yang kau buat

bukan pula karena kau sudah tidak sendiri

dan bukan pula karena aku yang seolah-olah lupa

aku mencoba 

berjalan kembali 

Sebentar lagi semua tidak sama

Waktu berjalan menjadi lambat disini

aku seperti menunggu orang membuka pintu diantara pembuat pintu. 

Aku bisa melihat napasku berjalan dengan napasku 

menghirup udara segar di halaman depan

Waktu memang begitu lambat disini 

Tapi, sebentar lagi aku tidak disini

Saat waktu menandakan pagi

semua terlihat sama

matahari yang sama

tanah yang sama

pohon yang sama

semua benar-benar terlihat sama

Tapi, sebentar lagi semua tidak sama lagi

the night before

Footpaths into a real

Second chance I hope there still, possible later

Today that yesterday will happen again

hold my hand into the hand



Real i've been destroyed

and it's real that it has gone

There is no more hope

Cause I see you with him



I don't know

should laugh or cry

I couldn't be mad

Something that i've said the night before

move move

moving, moving well. might say that's what I read and I have to do now and for the future. I've been too long since stopped without moving. probably seen me walking, running, forward, backward, but overall it's just my physical alone. But the heart and mind not doing the same thing as my physical. I was too much dreaming and dreaming. it all makes me tired, very tired. vehicles, people, they followed the passing of time. from morning, noon, afternoon, evening, and I could only watch. I like beaten by them. they are not physical contact with me, but their reactions made ​​me feel more like fall, getting sick. Gravity of the earth did not I feel the earth spinning was also not able to make to move. let's motion, motion, not only physical but also hearts and minds.

I'm Sorry and I hope

less than a month away, I was 20 years old. praise be to Allah, for 19 years this always gives me health. thanks to my parents , papa , mama is always patient understands me. I'm sorry ma, if this time I always made ​​mom angry, as long as it is also possible I 've often lie to mama, but mama always good to me. when mama angry , in fact he shows his love for a child. Thanks also to Dad, who was always patient and make a living for the family, thank you for the love you've given so far. Sorry, if I was always a hassle, sorry can not repay you, sorry can not be dutiful to your child, as the child apologize first that should be relied upon but instead often irritated, sorry, sorry. I'm so ashamed of myself, want to live when I had to rely to you?  I still have two younger brothers who also later need more material. I promised myself, hopefully soon I can lighten your load, make proud papa and mama.

wldn

We know

I fall in love before I die arrives
When my soul happy and my open eyes
But, she was young and me too
We life our lives with the tension

So we know, will not to be long
We can't safe our selves from the past

I stared at the dark black
She look at me with eyes covered

That's when my life is over as space time and the universe together

We will always be just friends

We will forever be friends and I'm also not going to be your match . We 've established a relationship , we've been through hard happy , strange things when you decide to stop in the middle of the road . I was surprised , if this is really you want? All right , I accept and respect your decision . However , one thing that I want, I do not want our enemies. Maybe you're thinking , this is my way to make you way back . But no , I did not want to come back , said we were eligible for a friend . If you still think that way , it's wrong. In the next chapter , I tried to talk to you via telephone , I remember very well in that chapter , we talk to each other to collect all of our memory , the memory that once you delete a sudden . At the beginning of the chapter , I tried to make memoori it comes back little by little . I write with my mouth and connected on your cell telephone , you try to resist initially , but after about an hour , you're also adding posts with your mouth that emit sound in my mobile telephone ,.... tutt tutt tutt

conversation corner

My eyes looked at her and she looked at me
There was no drowsiness, whereas before I stayed up late into the night
I feel very so good
and i forget to drink coffee before activity

she hold my hand and ask me to the lunch
but the afternoon was a sudden heavy rainfall
i'm waiting for the rain to stop, and she at the corner
we talking about the rain

I said to myself,
that i can get to you
I want to hug you now
can I doing that of you

sound of the rain slowly end the conversation with her
I felt upset, why did the rain stop?
I still want to water down the sky
as complement conversation between me and her .

You forget

Recalled this time, the days when I was with you. You are first come together to bring the seed of love that would've implanted into my heart. It did not take long to make a seed that you put in for developing. We are under the love of the hundreds of millions of trees that you planted the seed first, we passed the days together. Until one day, you forget to water the tree, and then wither and die.

Actually, I was expecting you.

And all was over, he chose to split the liver though not willingly. Perhaps this is best for him, because he also not necessarily be happy with my life. I tried to hold my ambitions, restrain my emotions, trying not to hate you, and wish you happy even without me. It was too short, where we were met and given permission to be together in a short time. Even so, I was still with you, because every day we'll be together in different circumstances and situations. I will keep all the memories in my heart, mind, and my soul when with you. Then I will remember for the rest of my life with no one else knows.


well, we are now in a different state, I am still myself enjoy my life and you have to get me a replacement, I hope he much better than me. But, from the depths of the deepest I still expect you to be my life partner who accompanied me and fill my old times with the romantic.

Hopefully it's true.

If all I wanted has come true, I hope you're right there beside me holding my hand, and we could see all of these beautiful. I will take you anywhere you want. when I take you away, I hope you do not let go of my hand, I will hug you tightly and you know what I'm feeling at the moment, happy, happy and happy. And if I crying, you will also know I cry tears of joy to be with you. I dreamed all that, hopefully it's true.

Pacaran

Banyak hal yang bisa lo semua pelajari dalam berpacaran, tapi ngomong-ngomong pacaran itu apa sih? apa pacaran itu kemana-mana bareng, apa pacaran itu barengnya cuma malam minggu doang, apa pacaran itu ga harus bareng tapi saling mencinta, cieee.. Atau, kalau orang jaman sekarang bilang, pacaran itu saling mencintai, saling mengasihi, saling pengertian, saling memahami satu sama lain pokoknya bahagia deh, walau kadang dalam pacaran itu ada perdebatan didalamnya.

Menurut gue pengertian diatas bener semua, tapi sebenernya apa sih untung dan ruginya berpacaran? Sebelum ngomongin untung rugi berpacaran, asal kalian semua tahu pacaran itu gampang-gampang susah. Karena, dengan proses hidup lo yang sendiri atau kata orang jomblo aja terkadang udah ribet apalagi punya pacar. Contoh kecil aja, saat lo udah bisa ngertiin pacar lo tapi di lain sisi pacar lo susah buat ngertiin lo, atau malah kadang sebaliknya. Di saat seperti itu, lo pasti mikir gimana caranya bisa ngertiin pacar lo. Lo kadang kebayang ga sih, kalo itu semua berjalan setiap hari ujung-ujungnya lo bakalan bisa putus sama pacar lo, bener ga? hehe. Tapi yang sabar aja, saat lo putus dunia ini juga ga akan ikutan berakhir kok, lo masih bisa ngelanjutin hidup lo kan, santai ajalah. Dalam berpacaran hal yang paling lucu adalah saat PDKT, dimana pada saat itu lo berjuang gimana caranya cewek yang lo deketin bisa jadi pacar lo dan berharap dia mempunyai perasaan yang sama ke lo. Pada saat itu gue yakin, 70 % hidup lo pasti lo korbanin untuk mewujudkan semua itu, ehehe. Hal pertama yang lo lakuin saat PDKT pasti biasalah lo spik spik dia, bisa lewat sms, watsap, atau telp (itu untuk yang udah kenal). Kalau yang belum kenal, biasanya sih lo ngebet banget cari tau namanya, nomor handphonenya, kontak bbmnya (untuk yang belum kenal) dan kalau udah dapet spik-spik mulai digunakan.
Terus habis itu, kalau udah spik-spik gitu, pasti ngajakin jalan bareng, nontonlah, dinner barenglah, atau ga ngajak ke tempat yang romantis, misal taman. Setelah ngajakin jalan bareng, biasanya si cowok nanyain si cewek kayak gini, "Terimakasih ya udah mau jalan sama aku, kamu seneng ga? maaf ya kalau kamu ga seneng, lain waktu jalan bareng lagi bisa kali". (yang kayak gitu basi banget men) hehe, dan ada juga yang pura-pura ga nanyain, terus 3 hari ga ngehubungin. Terus, kalau misalnya ketemu, si cowok caper sampai salting gitu deh. hahaha

*ngantuk, lanjut kalau sempet*

Mona, I miss you!!!

Pernah ga lo ngerasain lo ditinggalin pacar lo untuk selama-lamanya? bukan karena diputusin, bukan karena dia selingkuh, bukan juga karena dia pindah ke luar negeri atau ke luar kota. Tapi, karena dia udah dipanggil sama Tuhan. Pasti rasanya sedih banget kan? dan lo pasti ngerasa ga percaya kenapa secepat itu. Lo pasti ngerasa jatuh banget, karena orang yang lo sayangi tiba-tiba ninggalin lo. Itu takdir men, itu realita, semua orang ga akan tau sama yang namanya takdir, dan setelah itu apa yang lo lakuin? Nyari yang lain? susah, karena lo ngerasa cuma dia satu-satunya orang selain orangtua lo yang bisa ngertiin lo.
Permasalahan di atas pernah gue alami. Betapa sedihnya gue waktu itu ketika dia ninggalin gue, betapa jatuhnya gue waktu itu ketika orang yang gue sayangin pergi ninggalin gue untuk selama-lamanya. Gue ga bisa berbuat apa-apa disitu. Gue cuma bisa sedih, nangis, menyesal, semua rasa ga enak campur aduk di hidup gue. Dia ninggalin gue karena dia punya penyakit dalam yang ga bisa disembuhin, ya dia punya penyakit tumor otak. Sebelum jadian sama dia, gue udah tau kalo dia mengidap penyakit itu. Tapi, gue yakin dia bakal bisa disembuhin, karena gue beranggapan ga ada sesuatu yang ga mungkin di dunia  ini. Dan setelah itu, gue ngedeketin dia, namanya Mona. Kejadian ini terjadi setahun yang lalu saat gue berusia 18 tahun dan dia 18 tahun juga. Mona sangat berarti dalam hidup gue, dia berpengaruh besar dalam hidup gue.Setelah PDKT selama 2 minggu, akhirnya gue jadian sama dia. Karena sebelumnya gue udah kenal sama dia, jadi ga perlu waktu lama buat PDKT. Kita berdua saling menyanyangi, saling mengerti, hari-hari gue berasa indah setiap sama dia.  Dua bulan kita jalan bareng, seneng seneng bareng, ga enak ga enak bareng, pokoknya bahagia deh. Tiba-tiba penyakit Mona kumat, dan waktu itu dia tiba-tiba pingsan saat gue lagi jalan sama dia. Gue langsung bawa dia ke rumah sakit, hidungnya keluar darah, mukanya pucet, badannya dingin. Padahal sebelumnya, gue udah bilang ke dia, "Sayang, malam minggu ini kita ga jalan dulu, kata dokter kamu harus banyak istirahat", tapi dia tetep nekad, gue juga ga tau kenapa dia ngotot banget pengen keluar, padahal hari kamis dia habis dari dokter, dan dia disuruh banyak istirahat. Karena dia ngotot banget waktu itu, dan gue juga ga mau bikin dia sedih, akhirnya gue mutusin untuk ngajakin dia jalan. Motor gue keluarin, gue langsung ke rumahnya, pas di tengah perjalanan ban motor gue pecah, dan terpaksa ganti ban. Dari situ gue udah punya firasat ga enak, perasaan kemarin baru servis sama ganti ban, kok bannya bisa pecah gitu ya? Tapi, gue coba untuk berpikiran positif, setelah motor udah beres gue langsung ke rumah Mona. Sesampainya di rumahnya, gue liat muka Mona pucet banget waktu itu, terus gue bilang ke dia, "sayang, muka kamu pucet kamu beneran gapapa? terus dia jawab "iya gapapa ko sayang, kamu tenang aja" pas waktu mau jalan, mama Mona juga nitip pesen ke gue, "Dan, nanti Mona diingetin suruh minum obat ya?" iya tante. Di jalan gue ngerasa aneh, Mona ga kayak biasanya, ga biasanya Mona sesemangat ini, dan mukanya semakin pucet.
saat udah sampai di tempat makan favorit kita, gue masih liat Mona seneng banget waktu itu, dia kelihatan semangat, tapi wajahnya semakin pucat. Selesai makan, gue bilang ke dia, "Sayang, obatnya diminum dulu ya, muka kamu semakin pucet itu". Mona cuman bilang iya, tanpa ngambil obat dari tasnya. Kita ngobrol panjang lebar, dari ngomongin masa kecil, ngomongin keluarga, ngomongin mantan masing-masinglah, kita obrolin semua disitu. Gue ingetin dia lagi, "sayang obatnya buruan diminum". Gue liat Mona semakin pucat, dan tiba-tiba suaranya pelan, sambil jawab, "iya sayang".. Tangannya mulai megangin keningya, "kamu kenapa sayang? Obatnya buruan diminum''. Gue langsung ambil tasnya, ternyata Mona ga bawa obat. Bagaimana ini? Muka Mona semakin pucat, hidungnya tiba-tiba ngeluarin darah, dan dia pingsan disitu. Gue panik banget waktu itu, langsung gue bawa dia ke rumah sakit.
Setelah 3 jam, akhirnya dia terbangun dan sadar. Mona bilang ke gue "Wildan, i love you so much, aku menyanyangimu sepenuh hati hingga aku dipanggil nanti"
Sayang, kamu ga boleh ngomong gitu? kita nanti akan menikah, kita akan punya anak buah dari cinta kita. Mona hanya tersenyum dan menutup mata untuk yang terakhir kalinya. Di ruang itu, gue, keluarga gue, keluarga Mona semua menangis. Mona adalah anak satu-satunya, dan dia masa depan Papa dan Mamanya. Gue langsung keluar ninggalin ruang itu, gue ga kuat, gue ngerasa bersalah banget, kenapa gue mengiyakan buat jalan sama dia. Setiap hari gue dihinggapi rasa bersalah. Sekarang yang bisa gue lakuin gimana caranya bisa bales semua ini ke Papa, Mamanya Mona.
Gue harus bisa!
"Mona, I miss you, whereever you are i hope you slept well tonight". Gue kangen sama lo Mon, coba lo sekarang masih disini, gue bakal bawa kemanapun lo mau. Setelah 2 bulan kita jalan bareng, seneng seneng bareng, ga enak ga enak bareng, pokoknya bahagia deh.

Mona, I MISS YOU!!!!!!!!

Jangan batasi saya, please..

tired through the day until the coming of the dark, always like that every day. those closest to consider it in vain. why not to learn it, would have been more meaningful. they do not know what I was doing out there, maybe they think that it is laborious and inefficient. When in fact, I was out there too learn, but I learned how to do different. do not have to read a thick book, to find the data on the internet, doing research, or something? I did learn out there is to understand the character of a person, I learn from the environment, social conditions, and the things I think is important in my opinion. I learned from it all, they are my knowledge, it is my object. and I ask the people closest to me, do not need to interfere. if you not like, silent. not talking about the things that you actually not know.

adios, wildan

miss old friend

Do not know why lately every going to bed always remembered the people who used to be very close to me, and I always remember that my parents before bed. They are all very significant in my life, in difficult circumstances, happy or depressed, my parents are always there behind me, providing motivation, support, encouragement, and I always pray with sincerity. To my old friends, they are my family consider to be outside the house which also always give injections remarkable spirit, they are great!
Now I really miss old friends, they are now a bit far away from my life now, it's all because of us me and my friends already have their own activities. Sometimes my longing for them all a little relieved even though it's only a short-term togethers I think quite a long time.
I need them, I want to make a big project with them!

i hope

story continues to this day, we have each other's lives, their own business, but we still respect each other. I have found "nnd" in my life, I hope I can provide comfort for her, she's so beautiful, she is able to make me turn away from you, he's like the rain that could wipe out all the words and deeds
I will love him, love him, love him, and I'll make you regret it!

Gue bales lo ntar

Pokoknya gue ga boleh mati semangatnya, gue mesti sabar ngadepin semua ini. Gue harus bisa jadi orang yang bisa diandalin baik untuk keluarga, temen-temen, bahkan jodoh gue ntar.
oke dan semangat ya! kamu bisa! Biarin dia nikmatin masa-masanya dia dulu, emang ga bisa terang secara bersamaan, dan lo sekarang lagi gelap terang, lo yang sabar aja udah :D